From Pregnancy to Parenthood: Life changing books for expectant parents

When I was pregnant for the first time I was so overwhelmed by the number of books about birth and babies. There was so much that I actually just didn’t want to research because I didn’t know where to start. In retrospect the information I had and the books that I did read didn’t help me in the slightest, in fact I had lots of information about how big my baby was in comparison to various fruit and animals. What I really wanted was someone to speak to the mother I wanted to be, to empower me to trust my body and my instincts and give me the excuse to slow down. Now 3 babies into motherhood and many hours reading books to find any glimmers of hope and recognition; here are my top 10 life changing books for expectant parents.

1. How to have a baby: mother-gathered guidance on birth and new babies by Natalie Meddings @natalie_meddingsdoula http://www.comfortandlove.co.uk
   • Why is this so great? This is the most beautiful book that takes you through pregnancy, labour and how to look after yourself after birth and life with a baby. This is quite a thick book but it is so easy to read, each chapter is only a page or two long and each is full of easy to implement tips. I was given this book by my amazing doula Jenna Rutherford (@theminimalistdoula https://www.theminimalistdoula.com) in my third pregnancy and is my go to recommendation for anyone who is pregnant.
2. The Art of Giving Birth: Five Key physiological principles by Sallyann Beresford @theultimatebirthpartner https://sallyannberesford.co.uk
   • Why is this so great? This book explains in simple terms how physiological birth work and how to learn how to work with your body rather than against it. It is based on 5 principles including preparing your birth partner and knowing your rights. This encourages you to delve into your birth philosophy and dream big for your ideal birth and how to achieve that within the maternity system. It also comes with a Pregnancy Journal which is actually useful in getting you to understand your feelings about birth and through the birth planning process.
3. Labour of Love: the ultimate guide to being a birth partner by Sallyann Beresford
   • Why is this so great? Another by Sallyann Beresford, this time aimed at birth partners. It really goes hand in hand with the previous book. Often birth partners feel like a spare wheel in the birthing process but they shouldn’t be. There is so much they could be doing to prepare for this birth, just as much as you. Not only do they also need to be informed about the biological aspects of what is happening but what they can actually do to help you experience a positive birth. It is not about rocking up on the day and holding her hand! This is full of practical information to be the best birth partner you can be.
4. Reclaiming childbirth as a Rite of Passage: Weaving ancient wisdom with modern knowledge by Rachel Reed @dr.rachel.reed https://www.rachelreed.website
   • Why is this so great?Well as a former History teacher the opening section which takes you through birth culture through time. The history of which the feminist historian is aching to research now with fresh eyes if I were to ever have the time! This book goes beyond explaining how birth works and explores what birthing is important and how it changes women for better or worse depending on their experiences. It also takes into account some of the problems with how labour is described medically and rather that looking at whether you are in active labour or not, sees every part of your pregnancy journey as part of the process. Birth is not linear, we do not all fit a pattern and shouldn’t be treated as though we do. This book explores birth and womanhood so beautifully.
5. In your own time: How western medicine controls the start of labour and why this needs to stop by Dr Sara Wickham @drsarawickham https://www.sarawickham.com
   • Why is this so great? Dr Sara Wickham describes an ‘induction epidemic’, what the problems are and how you can combat it if you are aware of it. She explores the problems of due dates and how women should be supported to birth spontaneously. Its full of evidence based information perfect if statistics is your thing!
6. Why Postnatal Recovery Matters by Sophie Messager @sophie_messager https://sophiemessager.com
   • Why is this so great? This book is so perfect in explaining practical ways to really care for yourself post birth. Coming from an understanding that when you give birth you are yourself reborn as a mother, you have not yet experienced this life. This is true even if this is not your first baby, subsequent babies bring with them their own set of first times. This is part of the Pinter and Martin set of books for Pregnancy, birth & parenting called ‘Why it matters?’ (https://pinterandmartin.com/collections/why-it-matters) These books are short and sweet and packed full of information. This one explores the importance of writing a postnatal plan and what things you should focus on. I didn’t plan for postpartum with my first and was surprised when I found I was struggling. Societies expectation in the UK is that you just get on with life and the baby comes along. There is no focus on healing and slowing down after birth.
7. Why Postnatal Depression Matters by Mia Scotland @mia.scotland https://www.yourbirthright.co.uk
   • Why is this so great? Another one in the series by Pinter and Martin. This one explores the growing rate of mothers experiencing depression before or after birth. Mia Scotland explore the myths around postnatal depression, how it might present itself and actions you can take to help yourself and your mental wellbeing even before you deal with the stresses of having a baby. It also has a section of depression in fathers/non-birthing partners, which resonated with me as this is often overlooked. This is something my husband experienced and so it resonates with me to find it here.
8. Baby Calm by Sarah Ockwell-Smith @sarahockwellsmith https://sarahockwell-smith.com
   • Why is this so great? Whenever someone asks for a recommendation for a book about a child related milestone, or more honestly whenever I am struggling with something with my own children, Sarah Ockwell-Smith is my go to. She speaks to my soul and epitomises everything I would like to be for my children. Looking back through one section jumped out ‘carrying my baby defines me as a mother. It is at my core.’ Anyone who knows me in real life will know this to be true!. Unlike other books on the early days with baby, this one encourages you to tune into your own maternal instinct and do what is right for you. In particular I love the practical suggestions on how to soothe and calm your baby and how it explores the ‘good enough mother’. In pregnancy I would start with this but then quickly move on and devour her back catalogue!
9. Matrescence: On the metamorphosis of pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood by Lucy Jones @lucyfjones https://lucyfjones.com
   • Why is this so great? You may by now have noticed a theme here and that when preparing for the birth of your baby your focus needs to be on you, trusting yourself, meeting yourself a new and realising that societies norms are maybe not what they promised to be. This is a pioneering book exploring the seismic shift that motherhood brings and when we recognise this we can allow ourselves to honour the change. This will change the way you view motherhood.
10. Beautiful Chaos by Jessica Urlichs @jessurlichs https://www.jessicaurlichs.com
    • Why is this so great? Well I’ve never really been one for poetry but perhaps that is because I had never yet found a poem that spoke directly to me. I received this book of poetry as a gift for mother’s day after the birth of my 3rd child when life really was ‘beautiful chaos’. I loved to dip into it whilst I was tandem feeding a newborn and a 21month old. It was reassuring and overwhelming. My life written down in snapshots that make me well up each time I read them.

I hope these books help you feel more confident about birth and life beyond. They have shaped the way I feel about birth, women, feminism, motherhood and I hope they speak to you too. Have you read any of these books yet? Or perhaps there is a book you would add to this list, if so let me know in the comments. Don’t forget to share this with other expectant parents who might find solace in these pages. Wishing you a calm and courageous birth experience.

Yours, always,

Kiki